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Old 10-19-2012, 10:50 PM
Kella Kella is offline
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 14

Originally Posted by begonias
He tells me that he won't do anything because we are not both comfortable with it yet but wants to push it on me to read books and be more open minded.
Keep in mind that there's a difference (though maybe not an easily apparent difference when people aren't accustomed to communicating/expressing these things) between pushing books and ideas on someone to change them and asking to have your point of view validated/respected even if it won't be acted on.

I am probably best described as poly-leaning or poly-curious since I have no practical experience but believe myself to be poly; my husband is firmly monogamous and doesn't want to hear about it. I love him and respect his wish for us to live monogamously, but one of the biggest hurts in my life is that he refuses to talk, read, or learn about polyamory at all. I don't ask him in order to push it on him; I just want to feel validated in my feelings, to have a right to those feelings, even as I accept that living with my husband means living monogamously. All I want to hear is "it's okay that you feel that way, you're not a freak", and it's painful to me that he can't give me even that.

I don't know your situation, begonias, so I can't tell if your partner is pushing you to try to make you accept a poly lifestyle (very wrong!) or if he just needs you to be able to recognize and validate genuine feelings he has (a reasonable need, in my opinion) and is asking for that in an extraordinarily clumsy way.

Just something to think about.
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