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Old 10-19-2012, 10:14 PM
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fuchka fuchka is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 391

What does it feel like for tortoises, inside their shells? Do they open their eyes and hang out by themselves, or do they mostly just retreat to sleep?

Job hunting in a big city is a learning experience. Reminds me a bit of flat hunting. I'm changing my expectations... Seems it's the norm for people not to get back to you unless they want you. Silence = rejection. Feels like a double rejection, not even worth responding to. Thankfully we're not too hungry yet. Can get by on Ocean's salary for the next few months.

I'm missing the easy job situation for me in our home city. I'd been in the same job for over six years (in fact, they are still keeping a place open for me, at the moment) and it's tempting to roll back to my old comforts.

I have to keep reminding myself that our plan at the moment is to be flexible, keep options open, see what takes.

In the meantime, make the most of this time off work.

Staying focused, huh.

Relationship land is a bit tumultuous at the moment. One thing I really need is to tease out some emotions with Ocean. Been finding a few things triggering, and in lieu of having made the time to discuss, I've been taking space. Have a lunch date with him after my dance class this morning. The fact I'm not looking forward to it probably means we've left it too long.

Last night was a major bleh on that front. Building tension resulted in me having to escape a social situation that I really wanted to enjoy. The tension has been growing since Wednesday. Well, probably before that, but my mood was fucked up by Wed morning, and we've had a series of increasingly awkward moments since then. Saturday now. Yeah, definitely waited too long.

Met up with Grotto last night, just needed to unwind. He's a bit concerned about me, said I need to talk to someone. He said something that was quite insightful: that I don't talk that much about the workings inside my head when I'm trying to nut things out. I tend to speak when I know what I feel, or what I want to say. Sometimes, when there's a lot on my mind, I go quiet for ages. Days. It seems to bother people who are close to me, who notice. I don't think that's a problem, as such, until... well... until it is

Anyway, dance time! I've been avoiding going for a shower because I have to walk past where Ocean is sleeping. How lame, to be avoiding things so much. And now I'm late... whoops
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