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Old 10-19-2012, 08:54 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
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Re (from nurseypoo1, Post #38):
"He wonders how long one can put up with their spouse having a 'friend' when they have nothing but their spouse."
It should be noted that quite a few polyamorists have a V configuration: that is, one person (the hinge) has a romantic relationship with two other people (the arms/legs), but those two people only have a platonic relationship with each other. It may sound uneven or unfair, but for some people it works. I myself am in such a relationship (as an arm/leg) person. I don't feel cheated or anything like that. I just enjoy the time I have to myself.

Re (from nurseypoo1, Post #39):
"She applied for and got a loan to pay for his new plow ... about $6000. It was not discussed with me ahead of time. We always talk about serious purchases. So I am resigned to accepting that it's progressing. Who the hell gets a loan for 'just a friend?' I also thought that maybe it was a way of saying thank you for letting her live with us. What theory do you believe is more correct?"
Probably both ... plus add the factor that she could see you guys were in a tough spot and just wanted to help (though she really went above and beyond).

Re (from nurseypoo1, Post #42):
"I read in all those books that people who have done this for years still get jealous and insecure at times. Since I have real people in front of me ... is this true?"
Yep. It's true. I'm lucky in that I've mellowed out quite a little bit, but I definitely still had jealousy/insecurity problems years into the poly relationship. I know people who've been living poly for as long as I have or longer, and still have those negative feelings. Yet, they stay with their partners, work it out, and feel it's worth it.

"If it happens with me should I feel bad?"
Nope. You shouldn't. You should just be honest with your companions and let them know you're having these difficult feelings, and that any extra support they can give would be appreciated. Also you should use the difficult feelings as an opportunity to examine yourself internally and see what the cause is. Heck, sometimes there's even a legitimate external cause, and that will need to be talked about. The point is, there's nothing terribly wrong with you if you feal jealous and insecure at times.

Hope this helps,
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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