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Old 10-19-2012, 07:39 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
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Originally Posted by Wizzard View Post
That's interesting. Without confirming or denying at this point (because I really want to know before I answer), what gives you that feeling?
1. You said you've "both known" that at some time you would be together again. You don't give any indication that her and her husband had been open or poly during their marriage, and to me the fact that now he is gone so it's suddenly at the forefront of your mind suggests that it was likely a monogamous marriage & the two of you discussed this topic during it, OR had had physical interaction sometime during or even before her marriage (or even wayyyyy before but during yours) that you are now eager to act on again.

2. Your statements suggest that both of you being interested in dating is current not past tense, backed up by you saying now that it's "Ready when you are" as opposed to "We haven't talked about it for a few years but are you still interested?"

3. Haste. If it hadn't been a current topic, you'd likely be more worried about your friend losing her husband and how she is doing than focused on getting the party started (regardless if she's already had other sexual partners since).

4. You said Mrs. Wizzard had given you "permission" to be with Cookie. I think perhaps you mean "She said if we agreed to open up our relationship, Cookie is one of the two people she was OK with me dating at that time" and not "She said she was OK with Cookie years ago, so even though we never actually confirmed being open, it's OK if I've stepped over the boundaries with Cookie since my wife likes her a lot" However over the years I have seen a lot of people grab the statement from a partner "X is OK if Y happens" and take artistic license to rephrase that into a much more self serving "X is OK even if Y doesn't happen because __________ "

5. I'm a pessimist

Anyway, if you have been less than honest about things that Mrs Wizzard would want to know and be devastated to find out later, I suggest coming clean about them before you go any further, from personal experience on both ends that is the better and more loving choice to everybody involved. Hopefully that isn't the case, but as LOTS of people move from mono to poly with either dabbling or full out drowning in cheating, it would not surprise me.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
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