Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe
To be blunt - it will still look bad.
Our other, regular friends? AFTER everything was reconciled and Dude was firmly established with us we began to gently talk about (around really) the concept of polyamory - which really surprised none of them, although some of them had questions, they've know us a long time
So I finally talked to L (recognizing we don't get to talk anymore), he called me at work. His tone was .... upset, I told you so (that's she wouldn't understand and would kick him out), and ... resigned. He said something about how it confirmed his suspicions that she was just waiting for a reason to break up ... which is something he's said about himself as well. Just neither of them wanted it to be their fault. He still wants to try, and I still want him to succeed, but reconciliation will be a long path, and it won't involve me at all.
Then after work I stopped to pick up the mail and our mutual friend J was there, who he's known his whole life and has confided in since this happened. She hugged me. I almost cried. So I guess it comes to this ... I tell people whatever they are ready to hear. I suspect that more people than I would like will know about this, and some will be mad, some will be accepting. Some I can attempt to explain, and some (particularly L's partner) I'll just have to take their emotions, validate them, and leave it at that ...
Something happens, we attach meaning, and then we feel what we feel. For everyone that's different. The challenge is to read that ... correctly.