life in general, not so much poly
I'm so tired of fighting battles that can't be won. I'm tired of the rigged deck. I'm tired of those in power making rules that they themselves don't follow, but enforce on others whose only choices are accept it or leave completely, without having a voice in the making of those rules.
Apparently I'm getting more passive-aggressive the older I get. Who knew? The aggressive part isn't anything new, only the passive part. I've learned some lessons over the past 20 years about how to approach things to get what I want, but it feels so manipulative. And it still doesn't always work! Some people have given up fighting, tried to convince me that acceptance leads to peace, and that may be, but I'm DAMNED if I'm just going to roll over and accept something I believe is wrong for the sake of peace. Fuck that. That sort of peace isn't worth having, and sometimes you have to take a stand. But god dammit it all to hell, I'm tired.
I generally hate those cryptic posts/facebook updates that leave the reader wondering, "What are they talking about??" but in this case there's not much I can do about it. This is a public board, and some of the issues are legal ones, some are health ones (of other people, but still private), and some just aren't appropriate for this place for other reasons. And it would take too long to get into all of them, and I'm NOT looking to discuss the issues themselves. But put everything together and I'm just so. FUCKING. exhausted. I get a bit of a break in 9 days, when TGIB gets here for 2 weeks. And I get a bit of a break next month when MC and I have an anniversary weekend. But will that be enough of a recoup? And then what? How long will I have to keep going? How long will some of this crap last? I don't even know, and not being able to have some sort of end date is NOT helping. So far I've been able to get through other difficulties by knowing that it was only until a certain time, and then something would change. But this time, some of the things I can't affect AT ALL, and just have to endure them for as long as they last, and some things I can try to change (and am) but have no guarantee when or even if they'll work. It's wearing on me.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack