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Old 10-18-2012, 11:22 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,856

Originally Posted by CattivaGattina View Post
If this post makes no sense I'm sorry.

I don't know if I can do this any more...

I almost took more of Lamian's kolonopin this morning, that would have been the second time in a week. But somehow I managed to push through without doing that or grabbing a knife to decorate my skin...

I've started writing letters to all of them. Haven't yet to my parents and don't know if I will. If I get them finished tonight maybe I'll either have gotten all the pain out that I'm okay or they'll be delivered as my goodbye.

I wish I knew what do and how to get through this.
It sounds like you are in a scary, scary place. PLEASE do not do anything rash or make drastic decisions while you are in this state.

Call someone, anyone, to come and be with you - your present state of mind does not sound safe, you need to share these feelings with a real live person, not just some anonymous strangers on the internet - we care (yes, we DO), but we can't hold you....

You have people that care about you. Yes, you are having problems but, even if your brain in its current state doesn't admit it, problems have solutions. But you won't be able to find them if you don't take care of yourself - your safety and mental health - FIRST.

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (6+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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