This is the end. How did this happen?
Wow. I can't believe how much things have changed since the last time I posted. I thought we were making it work. We were adjusting.
Leaf's new love Flower decided she didn't want to share him. I thought she was going to break it off with him and just be friends. She said she can't compete with me (not something Leaf or I ever expected her to do) and she can't be with him if his heart is divided.
Leaf panicked. He doesn't want to lose her. He feels very strongly for her and he says they have a promising future. He told her he wants to be with her. This made her very happy. She wants to be with him.
He tells me he can't decide. He doesn't know what to do. He loves me very much and he doesn't want to hurt me or lose me. It's a terrible decision she is forcing him to make. After 10 years of love and devotion..... he is picking her.
He won't say it with any definitive statement yet. I think he is still trying to spare my feelings. But he is choosing her and I know it. I know him better than anyone else in the entire world. He already knows what life is like with me and he can't stand the idea of never knowing what it could be like with her.
He told me he thinks relationships go in cycles. Ours is fading while theirs is just beginning. I asked if he will jump from one relationship to another his whole life and he said, "Would that be so bad?"
I asked her if she believes he has made the decision. He said yes. I asked if he HAS made a decision. He looked at me with the saddest eyes ever and said, "maybe."
I can't stop hoping. I can't let him go. I can't bow out and let them be happy. I just can't do anything but sit here and wait for him to leave me. For someone he has only known for a month and a half. How can he put her before me? He loves me. I know he loves me. How can he do this to me?