Originally Posted by Jayehare
I haven't heard a thing from L about what happened, but I tried to reach his partner and let her know that I didn't want to avoid this. She hung up on me. Too soon. I know that she is entrenched in thinking about this in terms of betrayal, and the lying was betrayal. But will I ever be able to get her to understand that motivations behind what happened were not so horrible? That we can choose to move forward from this in a different way?
It is too soon. You will have to be patient and wait for her to reach out to you. And she may never do so. Bluntly your motivations are irrelevant right now. It was a betrayal by you and her husband. You did not intend to hurt anyone. But that does not remove the hurt.
She may never come around to your way of thinking. You have no control over that. All you can do is be available to talk if she decides to do so and continue to work on your relationship with your husband. It was a good thing you decided to be open and honest with your husband. And fortunately that has gone well so far. Your former lover is now trying to do the same with his wife. And there is nothing you can do to help him, or her, with that. You will have to live with the shame and the guilt for a while. She cannot take that shame and guilt away from you. She cannot ease your pain right now. That is not her job or her concern. She may forgive you in time. I hope so. The only practical thing you can do now is learn from the shame and the guilt - which you are doing.