SC, very astute reading. I would add that I think my metamour is fortunately in a financial situation that favors her coming out of this fine. But she's getting a lawyer. As well as seeing a therapist and a real estate agent.
Which brings to mind a new question: What would you and other Senior Members think about my wife and I seeking a poly-minded therapist proactively? We talked about this last night.
As much as my wife keeps saying she feels so lucky to have two sexy, mature and passionate partners, her good fortune inevitably leaves her feeling guilty and fearful that she could wind up hurting one or both of us. I don't see how, so long as she continues to be open and honest and trusts me with being able to handle her having this other relationship. I said I don't want her to consider me an obstacle to her loving her GF. Personally, I want to do everything I can to foster her love life, including what's between the two of us, short of smothering her/them with my enthusiasm. I know we'll probably make mistakes, but I don't want to regret how it all plays out.
Before anything could or does go wrong, my wife said maybe we should see a therapist together. I had already identified a sex- and poly-positive professional in our area -- one I'd be excited to meet whether I was her client or not. My wife seems game to go to her in a counseling capacity.
But we're doing fine right now. Better than fine, really. I've never had therapy. Maybe there's reason to fear it. Maybe I should worry about what a therapist could draw out of me. Hell, I didn't know I could deal with my wife having another lover until confronted with that actually happening. There have been lesser confessions that have followed, but with the doors blown open to the previously unimaginable, I'm a little fearful what I may say and whether it's anything my wife needs to hear or can handle.
Seriously, not much comes to mind. Except one little thing: My wife's GF is a beautiful woman, but more attractive to me for how she's been able to incite such passion in my wife. Although my wife confessed early on that she feared her GF and I falling for one another, I thought that far fetched and told her so. The metamour and I are the monos to our poly hinge --> my wife/her GF. That arrangement is complicated enough, but manageable. I could easily see that if things got sticky between the GF and I, the whole house of cards falling.
As I mentioned in my intro post (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=29185
), when I was dumped years ago by my wife (then GF), I briefly and foolishly imagined a triad with her and the woman with whom she was cheating on me. Just the suggestion was a disaster.
So that's off the table in the current era, too, out of respect for my wife and HER relationship with HER GF. I have no interest in inserting myself more intimately and thereby torpedoing what they have. I suspect that would put at risk my wife's trust in and love for me quicker than anything.
I'm not some horndog "playing his cards right" in hopes of a steamy threesome. Fuck no. I just hope, if asked by a crafty therapist if I have designs on my wife's GF, that I can adequately allay any fears my wife has that I am that horndog cliche.
Flip the coin, and my wife said her GF has said to her "I wish I could have you all to myself." I know I should take that as the metamour intended it -- as endearing -- and not as a threatening shot across my bow. The metamour has also said, "I'm going to fight for" a relationship with my wife. She's let me know that's what she's told her estranged husband. I responded that I expect and hope she will. Now I'm wondering if the better response from me should have been, "I'm fighting for her, too, you know."