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Old 10-18-2012, 02:22 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is online now
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 384
Default Falling

If this post makes no sense I'm sorry.

I don't know if I can do this any more. It kills me how much I hurt when I acknowledge that I'm no where near the level of importance to any of them as they are to me. But the thought of removing them from my life, not sharing my life and theirs devastates me. I've even done that whole flip a coin to make a decision not because you do what the coin says but because as it's in the air you know what to do and I don't.

I almost took more of Lamian's kolonopin this morning, that would have been the second time in a week. But somehow I managed to push through without doing that or grabbing a knife to decorate my skin.

Woodsmith wants us to all have a family talk. He said it's not right that I'm getting this hurt because I'm the only one of the group who isn't selfish and thinks more and first about what is best for them than for me. I don't even see the point of that anymore. There's been times in which someone in the group has stated either "x,y, and z hurts me" or "I need a,b, and c" and while those might be followed for a little bit eventually the same patterns start up again.

I've started writing letters to all of them. Haven't yet to my parents and don't know if I will. If I get them finished tonight maybe I'll either have gotten all the pain out that I'm okay or they'll be delivered as my goodbye.

I wish I knew what do and how to get through this.
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