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Old 10-18-2012, 09:27 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by haruki View Post
When with a partner (beit male or female) I am more reactive than aggressive and tend to focus on the "little things" that I know will further arouse said partner. This tendency has been great as far as gay relationships go, but not so great as far as my straight relationships go. Apparently most women like an aggressive male.
I've had to learn about this in the past year. I should have learned it sooner, but it took my husband that long to work up the nerve to ask for it...

Like you, I prefer a more aggressive partner. I'm easily seduced, but I have a low sex drive and rarely initiate. For the most part, my husband is fine with that. But about a year ago, he timidly told me is that sometimes he wants me to be more aggressive. So I've been working on that. It's hard because it doesn't come at all naturally. But my efforts have been worth it.

So part of the solution to your whole conundrum could simply be for you to learn to be a little more aggressive. Aside from Dominants, even aggressive gay men like to be chased once in a while.

Originally Posted by haruki View Post
All that said, I'm at an impass. From what I've read, most unicorn hunters search for bisexual females or are gay relationships searching for a male. And whereas the latter is a dynamic I feel would be good for me, it wouldn't be that "perfect" (hypothetical) fit.
I reject the notion of "perfect fit." Mermaids is my new word for "perfect fit." I love my husband dearly. He's a good man, a good provider, a loving partner, everything you would "want in a husband." But man, can he be irritating sometimes. Perfect doesn't exist. That's just life. So the easiest way to find the next best thing to perfect is to give up the attachment to perfection.

Originally Posted by haruki View Post
Also, how do I know if being a unicorn is right for me?
It probably isn't. Oh, I'm not saying you couldn't be happy in a triad. But being attached to the outcome makes it seem like anything else is settling, and no one wants to settle.

Why do you feel the need to be a third person in an existing relationship? What's wrong with just having a girlfriend and a boyfriend who aren't together themselves?

Originally Posted by haruki View Post
All that said, Anyone have any suggestions/experiences/comments as far as their experience as/with a unicorn or in their search for a unicorn/couple?
My experience with unicorns and unicorn hunters mirrors my experience with plane crashes: I've never been in one, but I don't need to experience one first hand to see the devastation they cause. I've literally never seen one work out. I've seen lots of people claim they're in a "unicorn" situation, only to later divulge that part of the relationship has dissolved and now it's a Vee, or else broken up entirely. And of those who have been in a triad for a long time without it falling apart, it was never by intention. They often started as a Vee, and then the other two arms grew closer and closer and eventually fell in love.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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