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Old 10-18-2012, 07:45 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
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Originally Posted by BraverySeeker View Post
But I'm sad for him. I'm less sympathetic, however, as I've learned more about his resorting to threats, manipulation, arrogance and utter deafness. One example: Within 24 hours of asking his wife not to tell their friends of their troubled marriage, he told several of them about the separation AND the affair, thereby outing her in the process. He did so to seek allies among their mutual acquaintances, obviously, but I think it was a recklessly insensitive dick move.
Yeah, that's totally not cool. And if that's his MO, then no wonder she hit the road running. I'm surprised she lasted as long as she did, and I strongly suspect that seeing a beautiful marriage like yours helped open her eyes.

He needed to be told when he was.
With the whole story down now, I rather suspect this could have played out just as well if she'd never told him. I realize that she had to go through the steps she did. But in that old 20/20 hindsight, I think she could have safely just left him and played like she met your wife afterwards.

That might sound deceitful, and it probably is. But that whole "open honest communication" thing only really applies if you're actually in the relationship. If you're already leaving, it's perfectly fine to hold your cards close to your chest. I would never accuse a woman leaving an abusive relationship of being "dishonest" for hoarding money and clothes away for her escape. This is not so different. She will now face an uphill battle with the divorce. Depending on the state, her "affair" could make her ineligible for spousal support. Fortunately, they didn't "do anything," as far as the courts are concerned, until they were separated. Its not "cheating" legally if you aren't sexual.

Should there be four of us? Apparently not. I will not say his loss is anyone's gain. I prefer to believe that eventually he, too, will find love again. The breakup with his wife may just be the first thing that has to happen to make that possible.
You're very optimistic. From the pieces I've heard, he sounds like an ass. Unfortunately, ass holes bag women all the time. *sigh* I only pity the next woman who falls for his crap.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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