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Old 10-18-2012, 05:45 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by nurseypoo1 View Post
Im sorry if i frustrate anyone. We have discussed it and as terrible as it sounds...and unfair as it may be...i will only be comfortable as "primary". I know some dont like this...but its the only way i would feel ok. We have too much invested in each other and have dealt with too many things together to just be able to say otherwise at this juncture.
There's nothing wrong with that. Anyone who says otherwise is just trying to push their own way of doing things onto you. Some polyfolk do the whole "Primary/secondary" thing, others don't, and both arrangements work for some people and not for others.

What's more important than the label is being clear about what you need and how your relationship needs to be in order for you to be happy and healthy within it.

Originally Posted by nurseypoo1 View Post
This weekend was kind of a set back for me though. It was my dead sons birthday and hubby was out of town. He NEVER has been gone on this particular day and it was even harder than usual because of it. I found out that he called her or texted her when he got up before he did me...and talked to her MUCH longer (about 5 times as much) than we did. It made me feel very unimportant. I did tell both how i felt and she understood. After some did he. Lol.
Being completely this possibly a sign that its progressing to the "more than very close friends who sleep with each othef on occasion" stage? If so...i need to work harder at dealing with those feelings.
Yes. I mean, everyone is different of course. But calling a "friend" first on a weekend when your wife is mourning the loss of her son? Not exactly prioritizing family...

Originally Posted by altworld View Post
I definitely think that you should try more of a triad, since everything else seems to be progressing okay & everything is being honest & open. I'm not saying all of you go jump in the bed together of course.....take your time, date all together, try some dates just you & her (hold hands, snuggle on the couch, etc). Of course you'll want to talk to your husband & her about it and all of you be in the same page....that's very important.
I disagree with this advice. Being in a triad will not make anything simpler. It's like saying that getting married will somehow improve a damaged relationship. In reality, adding more "relationship expectation" makes things more complicated and difficult to manage.

Rather than trying to mould it into something specific, try just letting things progress naturally. If you and the other gal end up being romantic, that's great. If not, that's great too.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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