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Old 10-18-2012, 03:58 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,748

Originally Posted by cherilips View Post
I think that you're most likely right when you suggest that he's continued to ask me to move to TX even after believing that I would never come and pursuing other live-in relationships instead. He's lived with 3 women since we began seeing eachother. The reason I expected that the relationship with his current girlfriend would end was because he minimized it to me and told me it was more a relationship of convenience. Only after my coming to him and telling him I wanted to move in did he confess that there was more to it than that and that he loves her. They've been seeing eachother 2 years....some of which was spent living together. He didn't tell me about this until about 2 weeks into our planning on my moving there. Then he suddenly springs it on me and presents it as something I will accept or will not be allowed to come.
I can't say that I am surprised but I would rather NOT have been close to right.

Originally Posted by cherilips View Post
This hurt me more than I can express. But, then I decided that it really wouldnt be any different than how we've fashioned the last 5 years. And I don't even know if I'll stay when I get there at this point. But I feel like I should at least be open to it since we've always dated other people anyway.
Please be careful and make sure that you have a "plan B" - money and somewhere to go if it doesn't work out. I am troubled by his "minimizing" his relationship with the other woman, and keeping information from you that should have been pertinent to the life-changing decisions you were making.

"Should" is a difficult rationale for doing something - make sure that what you are doing is what you really want to do, what you think is healthiest for yourself and your future happiness. "Shoulds" can lead people to make decisions that they regret.

Living together can be very stressful - especially if you are used to living alone and you two are not starting off from a rock-solid position. I hope things work out for you but PLEASE make sure you take care of your own needs first - I don't get the impression that you can trust him to take care of YOUR needs at this point, so look out for yourself.

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (5+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic girlfriend and BFF
Lotus: "it's complicated"
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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