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Old 10-18-2012, 01:50 AM
haruki haruki is offline
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 12

Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post

I tried to send you a PM, but either you've chosen not to receive them or they're blocked somehow, so I'll post it here:

In any community, unfortunately there's always going to be a few jerks. Sometimes I'll reply to one of them, but I have no delusions that it's ever going to change THEIR mind. Sometimes I personally feel the opposing view needs to be represented in a publicly viewable thread, but there's no reason on earth why YOU need to respond to someone you feel is being being a jerk or disrespecting you. You can use the "Ignore" feature, if you want, and just not see their posts, or choose to not reply to them as they're being spectacularly unhelpful and not discussing what you want to discuss.

Both of my partners have left this forum because they didn't care to deal with the jerks. I stayed because I have good interactions with enough people to make it worth dealing with the others. Either choice is valid, just make the one that works best for you. I hope you're able to find the answers you're looking for, here or elsewhere.

ETA: I think my favorite is the first one you posted- Superglue holds everything together!!

I appreciate the advice and really do appreciate your original post. It really pointed out to me that I was definitely looking internally. That internal searching for "what I want," though has been a new trend. I had found (a while ago) myself in a constant state of allowing others to define me and define "our" relationship types. I think I got really overexcited at the fact that I finally found some conceptual relationship framework that innately excited me. I did jump the gun on the usage of the word, but it seemed a word that fit a type of experience that I- for the first time in my relationship life- knew I wanted. Which I still view as a success. Although now that I know one extreme, I do feel I can look for that middle ground of matching expectation with potential partners without allowing them to solely define me.

I got excited about this discovery and wanted to share and inquire about it... then my post kind of hit a brick wall with all those responses.

I think I was mostly hyper sensitive because this was my first post and the first 3 people or so (the subsequent ones really didn't bother as much) really seemed horribly abrasive and when I met them with an attempt at understanding, I was given a very similarly abrasive answer. Followed by more people saying the same shit even after I had addressed it.

Ah, christ, man. You enter a new community and stumble on the jargon and then bitch that a specialized term is bad because you don't understand it...really?
No, I was upset that people focused on the term usage instead of legitimately attempting a conversation. And I did address the fact that I was aware I was not using the term in THE typical way; even apologized for using it. After I was corrected, I understood, however because I couldn't edit the post, and people kept bringing it up instead of attempting a conversation, it was a frustrating situation. And even though I've elaborated this feeling several times, few seem to get it... it's not about projection, try some empathisization.

Last edited by haruki; 10-18-2012 at 01:55 AM.
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