Can you ask your hubby for a date that he can give you when you can revisit the idea of your girlfriend with him? If he really is working towards being ok with it he should be able to give you a timeline that you can work towards. I don't see anything wrong with DADT for the time being while he works through his issues around it but I don't think an indefinite DADT will work for all of you.
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.