KOOSHY MOMENTS: WHAT WE TALK ABOUT
Me: Tell me again. Tell me that if the right person appears and its feeling like the right time under the right conditions. I can ask you if I can go there.
Him: Under the right conditions at the right time with the right person? Yes. You can ask me. I will consider going there.
Me: Tell me again. I'm not asking for your answer to be "yes" or "no" -- you get to choose what you will choose. I am asking you to let me ask.
Him: Yes. Under the right conditions at the right time with the right person. Fucking ask. Always, you can ask. You can ask me anything! Tell me anything. Ask.
Me: Yay. Tell me again.
So he told me. Again and again.
After the doc's where we were both seen? (Thanks, kid. Cootifying both parents! Now even I have a sore throat!) We popped over to lunch and had a lovely talk and then home for more talking on the couch. He's been feeling so digusting and hibernating like a bear I haven't talked to him, really talked, in a few days. It was fun to catch up. He said it was good to eat real food finally.
He cannot get his head around the fact that some folks want to put a limit on emotion. I can't either -- emotion just IS. So freakin' what? It doesn't mean you have to act upon whatever it is you feel or not not feel or wish to feel.
(We had covered abused friend and their poor Opening -- it blew up. It isn't the Opening really, it's that things were long broken there way before. He says he's got to give her major props for handling all this wacko that's the fall out. It is horrible that ex to be is behaving this way, but she's coping and owning her own bag. Her only faux pas was being not educated enough. His problems? Long laundry list!
I'll be curious to know if after the dust settles and she has a time alone, if she will carry on seeking multiple partners or not. They just did not do enough talking things out before hand.)
Us? We don't spend a lot of time on safer sex talk. That's a given. We also don't spend much time on you can/cannot do this or that. That's micromanagement.
We actually spend a lot of time on breaking up well and just owning and demystifying the greatest risk. Because if you cannot do that? Well, why bother with the rest? You have to be willing to pay the ultimate price of admission.
Communication. Conflict resolution and time management. But the most time on breaking up well.
Safer sex, what the Partner is doing with the Other -- none of that is online yet.
What IS already online is our own communication and conflict resolution skills here.
If we cannot come to agreement/compromise on this Opening Up thing, we're not going there. Plain and simple. Not willing to pay the price of admission.
I want to be Open to the Unfolding of a new Share but it isn't just that. It's the Deepening of the Share I already have with DH. I want to it be at a pace that keeps all people feeling good enough, fed enough, and happy enough.
If there must be uncomfortable along they way -- let's aim it to the comfortably uncomfortable then that can pass in time rather than the UNCOMFORTABLE UNCOMFORTABLE at high extreme volume.
Me: Mmm. I love getting to ask. I love getting to tell you anything.
DH: I know.
Me: You know it flips the other way too. If you want to ask, you just ask.
DH: Yes. It's about the getting to ask, really.
Me: I love that you get me.
DH: Your toes are going all squidgy and hiding under that couch cushion.
Me: Ugh! Stop looking at my toes! Horrible man!
DH: Hee hee.
Me: Stop it. Knowing all my tells. Ugh! (Stuffing feet further into cushion)
DH: You can't hide your tells.
Me: Mmm. Wouldn't want to try. Way more fun to be bold and open and honest and in yo' face.
DH: I've always loved your boldness.
Me: And you love me moth to flame. So tell me again.
DH: Yes, yes, fucking ask!
Still way more talks to go. Not in any hurry to get there either. I'm enjoying the Deepening here on THIS Share. And we will get there. He says he's enjoying it like foreplay. Actually, so am I.
Me: Yay. Asking! (pause) You know I want it the way I want it or I don't want it at all. I'm not missing anything here.
DH: Yes, I know. (laughing) Cupcakes for you. Either way, you always play to win.
Me: I always win. I mean, I want YOU to win too. But I know *I* always win. (sitting in his lap)
DH: Yup. I know you. (amused, waiting to see what's next)
Me: Aye. That you do. There's no secrets or surprises here. (kissing ears)
DH: Mm. Nope. (enjoying being messed with)
Me: I sell bad candy. (nibbling)
DH: Oo. You don't even sell. You give it away. (gropies)
Me: This is true. I give it away. It just costs you your Soul. (devil horns popping out)
DH: Mm. Yay! (more gropies)
Me: Mmm. Hi, Fly! (grinning)
I laughed. A million years ago in that particular banter exchange he used to go "Mm. Yay! Take ME! I'm free!"
I have to ask him if he noticed he dropped the end chunk because he's already been taken and he's no longer free? But then neither am I. Opening as Marrieds. Such an interesting experience to navigate.