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Old 10-17-2012, 02:08 PM
Cleo Cleo is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 485

My husband and I are very out, to all our friends, all my co-workers, most of his, our wider social circle - down to the bartenders in our favorite bars.
The only people we're not out to are our parents. My husband wouldn't care about telling his, but I'm very hesitant about telling mine. They're old, very conservative, don't deal very well with talking about personal stuff, and we are not very close.

But, lately I've been feeling bad about lying to my mom about my whereabouts. Our conversations are pretty superfucial, so they often deal with where I've been and what I've been doing, and it has happened a couple of times that I said I spent a quiet weekend at home when I was in fact at my BF's (he lives in another city where I know noone else, so telling her I was visiting a friend in city X would be too weird). So, I don't know, I might tell them one of these days... am really dreading it though.

My husband has told his grown daughter some time ago he had a 'special friend' and she knows, but has said she doesn't want to discuss it with him.

Now when I'm with my BF it's different.. he's not afraid of being seen with me, PDA is ok, but I think he doesn't like people to know that I may be his GF, but am also married. His good friends know, this is more about aquaintances / co-workers. Haven't really talked about this with him, but it's kind of the vibe I get.

So while I would say I'm pretty out, reading this thread has made me think about degrees and level of outness. For instance, most of my co-workers know I have a BF who lives in another city. Some have even met him. But only a couple of them know I also have another BF who I only see occasionally, and at work no one knows I'm active on OKC and open to more relationships, right now reconnecting with an old lover, emailing with a cute new guy, etc.
Same with friends - they all know about 'poly', they all know about BF, but as for the rest, there are definitely degrees of openness.

Which makes me wonder... IF I tell my parents, what would I tell them? The easiest thing for them to stomach would be: "I'm in a serious second relationship, and btw so is Ren, and we're also still happy together".
The truth ("I'm exploring having lots of different relationships, spend a lot of time in city X with my BF, but also a lot of time with other guys") would be different I guess.....
Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 + years
Bo - BF of 3 years
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