I watched Bee tonight and, this time, I didn't go out at all. Bee was sleepy at first when I came over, so we thought he might nap, but then he just got fussy instead, and I got wrapped up in entertaining him. Gia and Eric disappeared into their room without saying anything, and were gone for about a half an hour. I'd told Gia before that this would be ok with me -- them having alone time while I was in the house -- and, indeed, the last time I was babysitting they were still in the bedroom when Bee and I came home from the diner, so I'd technically possibly been in the house while they were having sex then. Still, this was the first time that I knew, with as much certainty as I could, that they were having sex without me while I was in the house.
It was fine, mostly. Like, I didn't feel gross or sad or jealous. Bee and I played and read books and had a particularly great time together. But I did get to thinking, just a little, about how much I miss Gia, and how little time we get for us. It feels weirdly emotionally masochistic, on a certain level, to be spending so much more time enabling them to be close than I get back in terms of time for closeness in return.
But the thing is, I spent the whole first year of Bee's life asking to get to babysit him more. I adore him, I truly do, and I cherish the time we spend together. Its so amazing, to watch him learn and grow before my very eyes, to feel his delight when he laughs at something I do, or brings me a book to read, or just reaches for me. Near the end of the night, when he was getting tired again, he leaned his head against me several times, just *so* trusting and sweet.
Watching Bee is, for me, about me and Bee... it just happens to have the lovely side benefit of supporting my partner and her husband in having an occasional night of breathing room to get things done and remember who they are to each other. What could be wrong about that?? The fact that Gia is willing/able to devote very limited pure dyad time to our relationship right now... that's another issue entirely.
November will be interesting. Eric has committed to working on a novel he wants to write, so he's going to spend one night a week doing that for the whole month. That will leave Gia and I more time to spend together... albeit, with Bee in tow. One of those November nights, she and the baby are finally going to come have dinner with me and my parents, though we haven't yet picked which one.
She and I are doing a themed Halloween costume thing again this year, but it'll just be the two of us this time, she's got a separate idea for Bee, and Eric will be doing his own thing.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Last edited by AnnabelMore; 10-17-2012 at 05:36 AM.