"If O wants a relationship with you, one with love, concern, commitment, adoration, and time then being in a secondary (lesser) relationship would naturally be uncomfortable."
For the record, a secondary relationship can certainly incorporate all of the things on that list. The only two that are necessarily "lesser" are commitment and time, but they can still exist and be real within that context.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.