Rules are for strangers
My rules with my lovers are about disease safety. We discuss this openly and clearly.
If I need to set up rules about being honest, decent, and non-destructive then I have clearly not put enough time into this person.
My hope is to get to know someone well enough to realize that they have an appropriate world view and general code of behavior to me before I welcome too deeply into my life. If I find myself coming up with rules to apply to someone, that means I don't know them well enough and don't trust them, or that I *do* know them and distrust them (which is not something I have the energy to do).
My lovely Isa has the enviable ability to take from people what they want to give; what they naturally provide to a relationship without provocation. This is all she requires, that a lover and/or friend be themselves... she will take the positive and leave the negative. When she decides that someone has an overwhelming degree of positive traits ("cool enough") she then welcomes them into her life. If they become a drain and prove that their mental, sexual, and/or emotional method of relating are antithetical then she cuts them loose.
Personally I love this kind of relating to people and I am trying to incorporate it into my own outlook. If we only take from people what they are willing to give then what is the need for rules? What is the purpose of putting restrictions on someone if we already know their form of behavior?
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent