Originally Posted by Jinxedit
I feel jealous and insecure in my relationship with W
I'm going to address the gist of the post, which is above.
It is important that we make our needs known to our partners but it is imperative that we understand they are *not* responsible for our happiness. W fell in love, which is the beauty of polyamory. It sounds like you have some personal issues you need to deal with so perhaps breaking up with W, doing some reading, doing some growing (up) could be exactly what you need.
It sounds to me that the relationship was built with *you* in a poly relationship but that W was only allowed to be in a polysexual (swinging) relationship. Right out of the gate this is a red flag. The two of you set up the relationship not as a pair of independent adults, but as primary partners in which one of them had a set of freedoms revoked.
Polyamory, at least the kind of polyamory I practice, is built on the assumption that people have the ability to love more than one person and that the freedom to do so is inherent. I will only be in a relationship with people who respect my freedom to love and have relationships with whomever I choose. I will only be in a relationship with whole people, people who do not need me to make them "whole".