feeling down about the closet
So, I recently attempted to start a poly facebook group. We now have 16 members. We've made the group "secret" meaning that nothing that gets posted by members will show up publicly (it's only able to be seen by other members), but several people messaged me about privacy concerns.
It was then that I realized that even when a mutual friend of mine first brought up the idea of creating the site, I'd felt fear and anxiety. The first time I posted in it and saw something I'd written about polyamory scroll down the news feed, I felt a flutter of panic. I'm out to my family and most of my friends, but there are some friends and certainly all of my coworkers who still don't know that I'm poly.
I don't want them judging me and assuming all sorts of negative things about me and my partners and my partner's partners. Not only that, but my partners (etc) have their own reasons for not coming out to friends/family or co-workers and I have to be careful to respect their wishes as well.
This week, for some reason, maybe just seeing the nervous reactions of the people joining my group, maybe because of this three year build up of silence about who I love and why, I've started getting down about being in the closet. There is such a big dichotomy between the joy I feel about my partners and my metamores and the harsh or petty judgments people have about the way we live.
That's it. I'm just venting. Is anyone else feeling sick of the mothballs? Any advice on how to deal with the closet blues?