It's hard to stay open, sometimes. Easier to weave a cocoon about yourself, easier to hibernate, easier to leave the house with a rucksack and walk into the mountains. I'm okay, alone. I really am.
This desire for solitude is often healthy. When I'm touching base, taking time out that I need.
Other times, I feel like I'm escaping something. Hardening my heart. I felt this now and then with Grotto (Carob) and Ella, when they first started going out. Feeling this a bit with Ocean (Sago) and Menrva at the moment.
Yes, I'm happy for them. It's excellent to see him in love, and enjoying exploring this new relationship.
Makes me want to retreat, though. Seek my own company, and not risk the emotion vulnerability their relationship entails for me. This inclination to avoidance is not a good thing, and I challenge myself on it. But... ah. I like spending time with me! It's complex enough relating with myself, let alone other people
Is it possible to be a polyamorous hermit? Heh