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Old 10-16-2012, 09:10 PM
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rory rory is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Where is the line between sharing wisdom and attempting to control outcomes so as to experience some kind of relieve?
This is something I've been thinking about. I often feel that I can give quite good feedback about stuff, but with some issues I've actually felt that I maybe shouldn't comment because some of my motivation might be affected by my own feelings. It may not be even that I want a certain outcome, but that I'd like some kind of conclusion to uncertainty.

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Still, occasionally I get aggravated that someone thinks they are the only one going through stuff, the only ones with problems and dilemmas, the only ones that have stuff to talk about and get resentful that I don't get asked how I am doing and what is going on for me. Its my own fault. I don't push my own issues in conversations and tend to inquire about others rather than talk about my self. Not with everyone, but most people.
There was actually interesting discussion about this precise thing somewhere else; it seems people divide in their communication styles with regards to asking questions or not and to how they tell about themselves. This can create misunderstandings, since some people may feel they don't want to ask about things the other person doesn't bring up first. So they tell about themself and expect the other person to do the same. But then the other person may feel like the person who tries to be considerate is not interested and self-involved.

I tend to be vary of asking about things even if I am close with the person. I fear I'm being too personal, or the other person will feel pressured to answer. But after finding this out I've thought maybe I should try to make a note about how the other person communicates; if they ask a lot of questions, they might actually like it if I do the same. It is difficult, though, to change the way that feels more natural. But maybe you could also try to tell about yourself without being asked? I bet many of the people would really be interested, but don't want to accidentaly cross a boundary.
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