You are hurting right now. I am sorry you are hurting. It is not fun to feel.
Your husband neglected your emotional intimacy life and you feel in love with the handiest fella there -- his friend D that was living with you. Now D has moved out. You are left lonely. Original problems in marriage still there.
You are polyamorous. He is not.
He is not giving you what you need as a poly person in a Closed Polyship of 2:
- enough emotional intimacy
- enough poly expression and sharing of your inner life -- willing to listen and hear about your poly dreams, crushes, and whatnots.
You could choose to work on the marriage so your poly expression needs are met. Note I say poly expression -- not poly sexing. (You cannot OPEN a broken marriage that needs repair work first. I do not recc taking an extra lover when he clearly states he does NOT want to be in polyship. That would be cheating. )
You could choose to leave the marriage that does not feed you right now and will not feed you in future because he is not willing to meet your needs. (Is he willing to meed your needs?) The first page of my blog thread talks about poly/mono mismatch. Click on name to go there.
If you find having another lover IS a need and he is not wanting polyshipping? The only way for you to have 2 lovers and for him not to be in polyship is for him to not be one of the lovers then. Break up CLEAN. Deal with the disppointment. Then start seeking anew for something more compatible to you when ready.
It is hard to feel, I know. But stay true to you and be honest, ethical, and responsible while navigating all this. You can do it.
IDENTIFY the wants, needs and limits of yours. What is not being fed that needs feeding? What are you willing/not willing to do. Articulate it to yourself first.
Then ask him to state his wants, needs, limits. What he is and is not willing to do. Tell each other your information. Then sort it from there.