I have a hard time following when the cast of characters have no names. I also have a hard time when the topic sentences are not clumped together.
So I have to cut and paste a bit to try to get the problem sentences listed together into "problem clumps" and not "mix and match" sentences all over. Too many "he's" and I don't know which he is him!
(I apologize for taking the liberty and if I chop wrong...please correct if I guess wrong)
Here's the crux as I see it:
I am single right now.
Problem 1: I am hoping to develop a relationship with Convention Guy. He has a GF. Convention Guy (says he is in?) an open relationship and we do see each other occasionally. I don't know that his girlfriend knows. I don't want to mess up his relationship. So I need to get the verify by _____ (Phone call? Email?)___ from the GF. So I know I'm not with a cheater.
Problem 2: I am still in love with Fallback Man. I don't want to just give up on Fallback Man even though he's moved on to new partner.
This is all one big mess in my head right now and I just need some direction. Should I talk to FallbacK Man about having an open poly relationship even though we are no longer together and he's with new person now? (I know that poly relationships dont have to have all sides to like each other or connect.)
Um. If that is where this is all at? FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT.
I want to be with a non-Cheater.
I'd not make any more new dates with Convention Man until I got a verify I felt ok with from the GF.
I want to be with Fallback Man in polyship.
Well, the old mission is over since July. Fallback Man has a new partner. I still have feelings for fallback man. Is my need to know more than his need for peace in his new 3 mos old relationship? Hard one. Hmmm...
If he's not otherwise having a crisis time (death in family, bad rship probs that make him emotionally fragile?) I could just ask. I am not asking him to cheat with me. I am asking him for information.
I cannot mind reader. At this crossroads?
a) I could choose without full info:
- give it up because I do not know what he wants and I cannot make something from nothing.
b) I could choose from a place of having full information. I could choose to
- pursue because he's up for it
- give it up because he is not
Me? So long as he isn't emotionally fragile? (You don't fuck with fragile.)
I like knowing full info. I would ask Fallback Man if he is up for a polyshipping with me or not. Then let him choose his answer and be ready to hear it. I would hope (secretly) for a "yes! He wants to polyship with me!" But would respect it if he does not.
But circumstances over there may suggest not taking it there. Only you know the emotional climate over there and what is the most respectful move. Is he emotionally fragile at this time?
ETA: Updated with new info from post #6 to reflect that Fallback Man has a new partner now.