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Old 10-16-2012, 03:35 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,022
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I took the liberty of cutting out extra detail words. I am left with this:

He is basically saying that if he can't get the whole package, then he doesn't want anything. And I see his point.
He said he's still like to go out with me. I said that I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off him if we did.
He said that he could live with that.
Does that mean:
He is basically saying that if he can't get the whole package, then he doesn't want anything (in a romantic sense?).
But he's ok (sharing my body?) for pleasure.
And if so, are you ok with that? Is that the Share you are after? A good Sex Share like FWB? I thought you were after a full Romance Love Share?

(Not judging. You want what you want. But pointing out there needs to be more clarify conversation here so BOTH are on the same page. )

You are suffering a crush and sound like you want at least the potential for it to go out to a Love Share.

Proceed with caution. Crush is fun to feel, but it is not anything esp. of substance. NRE hormones giving you the "Wheee!" high. Enjoy it, but pay attention because it can cloud judgement.

I get no real sense on what kind of relationship he's offering you or what effort he's willing to put in to make that relationship tending mutually satisfying.

I'm getting "no string sex FWB" vibes here. Is that what this is? Is this what you would like? If so, great.

Not great to go there though if you want something else. What's he offering and are you even interested in signing up? You are offering a Love Share and he said NO. Would being with him in a FWB arrangement cause you emotional pain over time because you secretly want what you cannot get here? Is is better to nip in bud while it can end on a fun note?

WANTS
  • O is ok enjoying your favors (kissing, making out) and going out with you to social things solo

DO NOT WANT
  • O does not want exclusive.
  • O does not want to deal with parents knowing.
  • O does not want to deal with "him getting too emotionally attached." (So is that his way of saying he's not planning on a Love Share here? No love for you?)
  • O does not want to deal with your hubby/kids. Esp if they take your attention away from him -- "borrowed affection?"

Since he declines your offer of a Love Share -- What sort of relationship is he offering to have with you? FWB? Sex with no strings attached? Is he a cowboy looking to break you guys up? Is he poly clueless? Some clarify is needed. Could ask him to tell you more clearly what he DOES want from the potential relationship then if not a Love Share.

Then you can see better if you want to sign up or not. Then you can more clearly decide:
  • What is in the interest of YOUR best health?
  • Explore this guy and what he is offering you because it aligns with what you want?
  • Or put him back in the water because the offer does not interest you and does not align with what you are looking for?

I'd take him at face value. He says he does not want "borrowed affection." I would assume positive intent, and then change my behavior accordingly to respect his limit. NOT flirt with him. NOT date him. I would just say "Ok, let's keep it clean. Let's stop it here where a nice time was had and nobody is hurt or goes too deep. Let's just choose not to go deeper there. I'm not looking to hurt you or hurt me trying to make a thing that won't fly take off."

I don't like dealing in vague. I want to know what's for sale here before I buy in. He comes across too vague.

Try to see him without pink rosy glasses. Get the clarify and verify on what he DOES want from a relationship with you and determine if you are even interested in what he has to offer.

GalaGirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 10-16-2012 at 06:24 PM.
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