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Old 10-16-2012, 04:34 AM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 503

Originally Posted by lovemultiplied View Post
how do you navigate potential relationships with people who DON'T want to date you as long as you're in another relationship? you try to educate them/get them to come around.
As several others have pointed out, if they don't want to date you, you don't date them. I am one of those (apparently uneducated???) monos seeing a poly man. I'm seeing him despite the fact that he's married, and only because we'd been good friends long before this started was I willing to dip my toe in this. Had he even once taken an attitude of needing to 'educate' me, it would have been over.

Someone who doesn't want to date an attached man is not in need of education. They have different, valid, and legitimate values; they have different, valid, and legitimate desires in life and in relationships. That ought to be respected.

My partner struggles with this currently. He's interested in a girl who doesn't want to date him as long as he's in a relationship. This pains him as he is really interested in her but doesn't really know how to go about the situation.
He goes about it by either becoming someone who is not in a relationship, or respecting her wishes and leaving her alone. She is a human being, not a new toy. We don't always get what we want, especially when it's another person with free will.

I personally feel that if someone I'm interested can't handle the fact that I'm in a relationship...
It's not necessarily about 'can't handle' being in a poly relationship. It's usually about different values and different wishes in a relationship; that is totally legitimate and should be respected, not dismissed as an inability to handle anything.

Are any of them monogamous solely with you? Have you ever successfully dated a monogamous person?
Are you asking this looking for reason to hope your boyfriend can get what he wants by seeing that other people are doing it? Plenty of people on this board do. However the girl in question has told your boyfriend no. She has made her (very legitimate) feelings perfectly clear.
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