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Old 10-15-2012, 10:22 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
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Quote:
Originally Posted by haruki View Post
For most of my life I've considered myself a gay male; however, after quite a bit of development and discovery, I have concluded that I am - in fact- bisexual. When with a partner (beit male or female) I am more reactive than aggressive and tend to focus on the "little things" that I know will further arouse said partner. This tendency has been great as far as gay relationships go, but not so great as far as my straight relationships go. Apparently most women like an aggressive male. However, when with a male this tendency usually results in a sub/dom relationship, which really turns me off.
Have you dated only gay men and straight women? I ask because, now that you realize you're bi, I wonder if you've explored the dynamic of dating other people who are bi or pan themselves. You may find that the dynamic is different with a bi man versus a gay man, or bi woman versus a straight woman. It also might be good, if you haven't already, to look at dating people who are more gender-fluid. It's possible their expectations in a relationship are based far less on the typical gender stereotypes.

Quote:
All that said, I'm at an impass. From what I've read, most unicorn hunters search for bisexual females or are gay relationships searching for a male. And whereas the latter is a dynamic I feel would be good for me, it wouldn't be that "perfect" (hypothetical) fit.
Most, maybe, but not all. I'm pan and TGIB is pan and we have fantasies that include a bi or pan guy for a threesome. I've seen couples on here looking for a bi male OR female, so it happens.

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The second impass is that all this is extremely hypothetical at this point. I've never been the third person in a male/male/female threesome or dynamic.
Well, sure. There's an element of "you don't know until you try" but you know you're open to it. I would say keep reading about the pros and cons of various triads and try to imagine yourself in their shoes- what would you like? what would you do? does it sound like something you want for yourself?

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Finally, I don't really even know how/where to look for this type of dynamic. I don't know how to go about hunting for a relationship or even threesome of this type...
I never found anyone to be in a ltr with when I was "hunting". Mine always happened when I WASN'T looking, but was just doing what I liked and enjoying life. If you open yourself up to people without the expectations of "could I be in a relationship with this person?" then there's less pressure for everyone and actually a greater chance that a meaningful connection could develop.

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that said, Anyone have any suggestions/experiences/comments as far as their experience as/with a unicorn or in their search for a unicorn/couple?

Also, how do I know if being a unicorn is right for me?
I don't have any advice specific to being a unicorn or looking for one. I'll just reiterate that the best way to meet people you mesh with is by going out into the world, doing what you like, and being yourself. Frankly, you can't know if being a unicorn is right for you, because it's not about BEING a unicorn. It's far less about the situation and more about the people IN the situation. MC never thought in a MILLION years he'd be one arm of a Vee, yet here we are. Live life. The people who are meant to be in your life will turn up.
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Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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