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Old 10-15-2012, 06:55 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I can understand not wanting time spent together to be all about analysis and problem-solving, but I am not quite sure what the problem is here.

You say you still need to hammer out details on 'how often we manage see each other, sleep over rules, general relationship "stuff",' but how many times does that need to be discussed? Assuming you know your schedule, and he knows his, why would figuring out how often you see each other need to be revisited again and again? The same with rules about staying over... what is not getting resolved that you have to keep talking about it?

Is it that you don't feel heard? Is it that things are left unfinished? And what kind of relationship "stuff" do you feel needs to be all addressed at once in order to move forward? Can't you simply talk about things as they come up and then let them be once the discussion is finished? I guess I'm confused about what the struggle is.

It would also help if you explained your situation - is it that you and your bf have decided to open up your relationship and you're trying to find rules for being with other people, or are one of you married/partnered with someone else and you're trying to figure out rules for the two of you?
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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