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Old 10-15-2012, 05:28 AM
AlainaChrisPlusone21's Avatar
AlainaChrisPlusone21 AlainaChrisPlusone21 is offline
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Tenneessee
Posts: 11
Default I'm polyamory and my husband is mono, now wants me to be mono

Alil background is needed I guess...

I got married to my husband and he means the world to me. I love him and I made a commitment to him. I don't plan to take on a life change like polyamory unless my husband was on board and we have had this mind set for months and research. Anything he asked I answered the best I could and I tried to keep it as neutral as possible and not try to sway him for me but for him. I didn't want him to be unhappy to just try to make me happy.

This all came about because I thought I could Handel being close to his best friend the man that was his best man at our wedding. He came into our home and didn't leave lol! He moved in when my husband invited him to live with us, he stayed and became part of our family. He found a job but my husband started working overtime and longer hours and I felt so alone and longed for him to be home so I voiced my concern. Brushed it off and said we needed the money which we did but not enough to make me feel how I was. Sadly he continued to work long long hours were his friend ( let's call him D ) was not and often not working full time. I started to talk to him and joke and soon we could talk for hours on end. He helped with my homework from school he helped with my son when my husband my sons step father was already at work or to tired from work. D always helped and smiled doing it, went to the grocery store and out and my parents when I needed to vist but help moving around ( I have a hard time some of. My bad days specially with a four year old.) my husband still worked and when he was home I gave him my attention and was always honest specially about D and how our day went and basicly a play by play because I knew and he told me that's what he wanted. I thought even though I was connecting with D I could control it and rationally let him go when the time was right because at the time I was afraid to bring poly up and lose the messed up family we had going on.

It got to the point that they started having fights and also my husband is a sex addict so there are many times that I find things and all I wanted was honesty. To him sex was just a physical act and he no problem separating the physical and emotional but he was doing good at not relapsing. I knew when I said my vows so I feel I made my bed now I need to lay in it. I have always known I was a little different and that I wanted more and that one emotional connection was what I should want that one lover is what I was taught but it was never enough I always ended up connecting with someone else but it never took from the first. I would then break up with the bf and move on and so on until I met my husband now and then I stopped talking to all male friends that were not gay so I would let anyone tempt me so to say. Then I met D I pushed back I told myself it was nothing but I fell for him and then I couldn't face it and told myself I could let him go anytime until I had to face letting him go.

We as a family had money problems and soon found out I was expecting before D moved in then my husband wanted to spice things up so we invited to our room but soon stopped in fear of complicate things. Anyway the money got to be a big problem and caused more fights until one day he decided it was time he (D) that it was time he moved back home he couldn't afford to stay with us. I drove him to the bus and watched him leave and I told my self it's what was best for everyone.

No matter what I wanted my husband to be happy and for him to have his best friend and I still believe in that but I guess I'm rambling and no one has to respond but a few days ago after my husband told me he had been thinking for a while that he could not be poly that he couldn't handle it. To say I was a little shocked I had always asked and pushed for him to be honest and had always said poly or not I wanted to be with him for him. Now I would like to know how to let go of being hurt to let go of D and my dream of being poly. I rather keep my husband happy no matter what. But this hurts to send the rest of Ds things to him to tell myself that I shouldn't talk to him again like before that I shouldn't call him to long for to hear his voice. They need each other more than I need him, I just want him to be happy and safe and my husband to keep his best friend that's what should happen that's what is happening now.

I'm sorry for my rambling its the rambling of a new mother and I feel so lost I just needed to voice what I been feeling.
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