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Old 10-13-2012, 06:01 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Originally Posted by AggieSez View Post
In that post, one of the first points I make is that sometimes it can be really confusing to figure out how out someone is -- especially if they aren't thinking or communicating about outness very clearly or honestly.
There's the fundamental problem I have with this discussion. It's not clear how any given person relates to others when encountered in public. I've no idea, based on just looking at random people in public areas, whether they're mono or poly. That couple could be married, could be dating, could be close friends, could be having an affair--I don't know.

Now, with that being the normal course of affairs, the idea that poly folk should behave in some fashion that everybody can know they're poly just from encountering them seems silly to me. I have to say that when I've been out in public at restaurants with my wife and amorata, we haven't hid anything. Yet, nobody looking on casually would be able to tell which of the ladies is the wife, nor necessarily even that I share romantic connections with each.

It also appears to me that much of what you attribute to couple privilege has nothing to do with privilege and a great deal to do with very practical matters--the possible loss of employment and the like, simply for openly loving too many people. If such situations weren't part of the picture, then I could take complaints about couple privilege more seriously.
When speaking of various forms of ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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