After DH got home last night from his date with BF we had some time to hang out and chat. I called BF and we laughed that now when we did post date analysis I had the other side of the story too, and how much fun that was..lol
She brought up some concerns that had been bothering her. Mostly having to do with an activity my husband and I do in the evenings after the kids are in bed. (ahem... smoking weed) She was worried that if she joined us she could face legal trouble and her ex could use it to take her son away. I could tell it had been bothering her. What I said was that, I could do my best to rest her anxiety about it, and tell her about the safety practices we have in place to prevent any trouble, but that if at the end of the day she wasn't comfortable with it we would end it immediately. That having her in our lives was more important than any "hobby". She couldn't believe that I (we) would be so willing to adjust behaviors, and was incredibly touched that we are placing her comfort over ours. It felt really good to be able to communicate and end any misunderstandings before they begin. It gives me a lot of hope for our future. She's coming over today and I can't wait to spend the day with her and her son. I only wish my dad's move out date was sooner, as it really puts a damper on our evenings together.
As I've been exploring my feelings about this whole situation, I question how I can feel so much love for her without sexual relations being involved. I love her with the same passion and intensity at which I love my husband, and I just don't understand where its coming from. My whole life I didn't imagine that such and intense feeling could exist without physical intimacy. But its almost like we share the same consciousness at times, our souls have been bonded as friends for a really long time, and all these new feelings.... I just wonder at them. I can't quite put it into words how incredible it all is.