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Old 10-13-2012, 06:33 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 648

You are so sweet, thanks for your sympathy. I am better, we are coping and working on handling the empty space she left. I will steer clear of whelps for now, because I know that I will ultimately want a new dog in my life, but the thought just doesn't feel good for now.

Both of mine have just been incredible. Sward was a bit more down than I expected and Lin was trying to take care of us, but felt a bit helpless standing next to us, witnessing our hurt and sorrow and not being able to lift it. Even though he definitely did, it was a huge help to have someone not so emotionally involved with us.

What I noticed today, is that it is beneficial to have another relationship right at hand to remind you of what you need from time to time. The relationship between Lin and I has been deepening steadily till now. Sometimes I could just cuddle him to death, never want to let him go, am all over him as soon as I get the chance to do so and that is something I am missing in regard to Sward at the moment.

He is a bit distant and stressed and still hurts because of the problems with his back as it seems. Problematic is his old habit of not speaking up in such situations, leaving us clueless about what is bugging him and how to handle his grumpiness. As a result I feel more and more disconnected, especially as our time is quite limited at the moment. I recognized that I started missing him some days ago. Back when we were just the two of us, I would have retired into my own bubble and keep sulking for some attention while I knew that I can't change the situation right now, as he just got no time and I can't make his pain go away.

But because of the stable and great relationship with Lin I strongly wish to equalize the two relationships and am more intolerant to such behavior on his part. Not to get it wrong, I don't want them to be equal, but I want to be equally satisfied in my relationships. I have had some passive aggressiveness going on there previously and I am happy that I tend to get active in this new situation.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

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