Oh, it's been a beautiful couple of days since I've been back. One issue caused a knot, but have been working that one out. All in all, spectacular rainbows.
Thursday eve, after cuddles and talking and a bit of fucking about in bed, Sago and I headed out to meet Carob for dinner at a cheap Asian eatery. S spotted Carob first, standing near a lamppost across the road. I ran up behind him, and casual as ever, he said "hey, bub". Fuck, he's gorgeous. Touching his arms, I was electrified... a sweet Grease moment.
We ordered too much food, it was all delicious, though the tastiest part was touching hands and feet through the meal. I felt like a creeping vine intertwined with them both. The conversation was easy. Sago and Carob had met up a few times without me, and their grown comradery was evident. Also, S being in a much better place, and in a new relationship, made for a particular ebullience on his part. Frankly, he's glowing.
The one weird bit was created by me... Carob mentioned "so how are things with Ella" and my heart slumped. Things are tricky with her (I've since written her a lengthy e-mail which she said cleared a lot of things up) but it's been making it even harder to have C involved. Sago asked C: "oh so you still keep in touch with Ella" and C replied (with a sweet, almost crushing-on-Ella, face) "well I feel quite fondly towards her"
Carob has been feeling for Ella, since she's been feeling bad. I've been feeling bad for making E feel bad, but doubly bad through guilt raised up by Carob's concern about the situation. Anyways, I initially said to C at dinner "can we talk about Ella later" but then... it kept turning around in my head so I tried to talk about it, and failed... Both the boys were saying "come on, just spit it out, whatever is on your mind." but in the end I apologised for bringing up something that I didn't want to talk more about. The conversation went on from there to other things, but I felt lame.
Walking home with Sago, he asked me if I wanted to talk about what was bothering me. Eventually I cracked my mind open and there was a gush of monologue. He listened, injected some sanity, held me, ah. So good.
Last night, Sago and I invited Carob around to our place for dinner. I was cooking. Food prep was progressing well til C turned up and we got a tad distracted... Fortunately Sago came home soon afterwards, which enabled me to focus on culinary-related kitchen activities. After eating together, I went back to Carob's place. Brief hellos to Ayla and Patch (I've resolved to project platonic vibes to them from now) but no time for long chats as we had a date with his airbed.
Managed to not pop airbed.
This morning, Carob and I met Sago at a cafe for brunch. Ordered three meals and shared them all. I was melting with happiness. Afterwards, we went to the local market and... shopped together. I pointed to a fennel bulb and said "hey Carob, we should try cooking with this sometime." Sago chimed in that his new girlfriend makes a salad with sliced fennel root and orange. I remember seeing a pile of oranges at C's place. We buy fennel and I put it in Carob's bag. Sago and I buy purple carrots, green beans and radishes for salads we're making right now (he's in the kitchen. My turn soon)
Why are we making salads?
Cos we've been invited to share dinner and watch a movie at Sago's girlfriend's house. With her and her husband.
Sweet Lord, I'm beamish.
Hanging out with Carob, every now and then I'd make a joyful squirmy squee noise. "What's up?" C would ask. "Ah, just... the usual. Thinking of how happy I am for Sago." "Compersion, eh" he teased me, once. Yup. Fair diagnosis.
Better sort out my salad cos Sago just gave me a taste of his (chickpea, green beans, cilantro, tamarind) and it's delcious. Fuck. I'm doing soba noodles, king oyster mushrooms, sunflower seeds, radish... Leaving in 30 minutes. Fingers crossed.
Last edited by fuchka; 10-13-2012 at 06:11 AM.