Is there no possibility for a closer association to grow? It would seem Ka is an SO to you and Ki also and really, all of you are to each other. You are intimate with them and have love for them so maybe Ka is struggling with this being treated like 3 straight mono women and one poly guy when that isn't really what is going on. Could it be she is wanting that kind of acknowledgement from all her lovers and not just D?
Iíve been thinking on thisÖ the thing is, we are NOT lovers to each other; we are only lovers to D. We do love each other, but are not in love with each other. We are close friends and have intimacy with each other, but we are not romantic or sexual partners: nor do we desire this. So, Iím not sure how much closer we can get or what kind of acknowledgement Ka could want.
And I donít truly think she struggles with any lack of acknowledgement from me or Ki; She does struggle with the lack of acknowledgement from D that she is ďfirstĒ, because she isnít. Again, we are not in a hierarchal structure so there is no number 1.
I believe Ka would be more comfortable in a relationship structure where she is clearly the primary and any other lovers are clearly secondary or tertiary. She wants first ďdibsĒ, whether it is for time or attention or sex and she wants a say in Dís other relationships. Iím not saying that she doesnít love me and Ki. She does. She also wants us to be happy, as a group and in our individual relationships.
As long as everyone is getting their regular date nights, things go smoothly. But, when that is disrupted and Ka clearly doesnít get first dibs on what time is available, she gets bent. And that is the biggest issue I have with the whole situation. The sense of entitlement, along with a double standard and the desire for one set of ďrulesĒ for her and another for me.
I know at this point that I canít fix it. I can only continue to deal with myself, D and her in a respectful, loving manner. She has to do the heavy lifting for her own stuff as I did for mine.