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Old 10-12-2012, 03:49 PM
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MusicalRose MusicalRose is offline
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Very interesting and well-written article! I did catch one typo that you may want to correct. In the section "It's not always obvious how out poly/open someone is" in the fourth paragraph, I think you mean to say, "so no one should be forced to be out" but it reads, "so one should be forced to be out."

As for my own level of outness, there is a pretty complicated mess when it comes to me and my partners.

I am out to my immediate family (mom, dad, and brother) and to all of my friends. I am out to many people where I work, but not to everyone yet. I live and work in a very conservative town, so I have been coming out slowly at work to make sure I will not be endangering my livelihood by doing so. As of right now, I don't think there is a high risk of me being fired for it, so I think I may start to be more open over the next few months. I am not out to my extended family or out on social networks, and both of these are because of my fiance's immediate family.

My fiance is out to a few people where he works and most of his friends (the ones who aren't family friends with his parents and sisters). He is not out at work because he is not sure how the company would handle it, and my boyfriend and he work for the same company, so if trouble happened, they would both likely lose their jobs at once. Until they work at separate companies, they are not comfortable being fully out at work. My fiance is not comfortable with telling his immediate family because they are extremely conservative. I have been present for quite a few family hullabaloos and they aren't pretty or fun. They are very quick to outgroup me in particular and as my fiance does not have another girlfriend at the moment, they would likely treat it as if I were taking advantage of him or that it was my fault that he got into it. They would likely refuse to believe it is something he really wants. He wants to have a good relationship with them because they are important to him, and none of us are sure that would be possible if he were out. On my end, if we were to have future children, I am not confident they would not try to declare us unfit parents based on this and there isn't a whole lot of legal precedent or protection. Until after our wedding, I will not be outing myself to my extended family for this reason. I want to make sure there are no chances for slip-ups or accidents and I don't want to have to explain to every single one of them that they can't talk to my fiance's family about it.

My boyfriend is out to many of his friends, and to some of the same people at work my fiance is out to. He has come out to his mother, who has said that she wants to be the one to explain it to his little sister. He has come out to his brother. He has not yet come out to his father, as he is not sure how his father would take it (his father is the more religious member of the family).

I think that both of my partners will eventually come out at work to the people they need to come out to. It isn't as difficult for them because each only has one partner to refer to at the moment. My boyfriend refers to me by my middle name when he talks about his girlfriend. The only problem is that she can never come to office parties with him. I think they just want to move slowly to avoid potentially ruining both of their careers at the same time.

I will eventually be out at my workspace as I am feeling more secure in my employment and I do not think I am at risk.

Bah, long and complicated like I promised. I really like the concepts you explore in your articles, and at least among our social circles I have tried to be as fair to him as possible and have asked many times along the way to make sure he is comfortable with our level of outness.
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