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Old 10-12-2012, 02:20 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,054
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YAY! WTG!

I want to lift these things up:
  • You were feeling yucky. (You can't help what you feel when you feel it. )
  • You chose a deliberate action for your next behavior. (You can choose how you behave -- to REACT or ACT with intent in response to that feeling. )
  • You knew your weakness (get all emotionally wobbly) so you played to your strengths instead (wrote out your agenda for the meeting to help keep you on track)
  • You were afraid of dictating specifics, but did it anyway.

Result:

You understand your partner in his context -- how seeing your tears clams him up with fear he's hurting you. Now he knows to ask you for a written thing if he's not understanding you some other time if you get wobbly and it wigs him out. You know to write it.

You understand your partner in his context -- NRE is hard for him. He needs reminding to tend the ORE. You can just ask. He will do.

Your partner can now understand you in your context. He knows what behavior you expect from him (weekly meeting to go over changing needs as you navigate his dating time and NRE together while still getting your needs met) You know what behavior to do for you -- keep list updated as you change along this journey.

In short:
  • You focus on what you want. Not what you do NOT want.
  • You make the plan to go get it. (better communication with partner)
  • You got it. Yippee!
  • Now you both maintain "the things on the fridge" plan. See how that serves you.

So I congratulate you both on navigating this Conflict so well! Conflict doesn't have to mean instant all out war. It is an opportunity for growth and better understanding of the other side and self.

How's THAT feel?
  • On the tier of (me to myself) Does it help give you confidence in your "I can handle my own stuff!" bucket?
  • On the tier of (me --> Partner) Does is give you confidence in your communication toward him?
  • On the tier of (Partner --> me) -- how's he feel? Can he talk to you with less fear now?
  • On the tier of (Partner + me) -- how's it feel? Working well as a team?

I hope so... I hope you guys feel good on ALL your tiers.

You did GREAT! Cupcakes for all! Wheee!

hugs
GalaGirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 10-12-2012 at 02:26 PM.
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