I posted quite some time ago about the trouble I was having as my partner and I were working into an open relationship. She has previous experience in open relationships and, at one time, a triad, and I hadn't been in anything other than a monogamous relationship (or just casual dating) before.
She just left today to fly across the country for a conference, where she'll also be meeting up with a former--and now current--lover. This is the first time she'll be with anyone outside our relationship. (I've gone on a few dates and had one lackluster make out session, but nothing more; grumble small town grumble so many straight girls grumble.) Granted, she hasn't arrived there yet, and I know they're not physically together right now, so maybe my feelings will change when they are, but I feel...
surprisingly fine. A little tender, maybe, and I'm aware that my feelings probably will fluctuate some, but given how much work I've had to put in prior to now, and how many insecurities I did and, to some extent, still do have, that's kind of a big deal. The lack of being upset itself is kind of uplifting. I'm kinda proud of myself. I guess I wanted to brag a little. That's not something I do often--I've actually been repeatedly admonished by my therapist to stop dismissing my own accomplishments. But for me, just getting this far is a big deal. I've got a hesitant smile on my face, knowing that I won the jackpot of partners with someone I'm unbelievably compatible with, who will happily encourage me and celebrate with me when I finally find an outside partner, and who will be coming back home in a week, full of love for the girl who's committed enough to this relationship to put in the effort needed to make this poly thing work. Not to mention fired up and raring to go.
Here's hoping I don't wind up posting a follow up of late night angst. ;P