Mag- it takes awhile. Have you ever smoked? I ask because getting past this is a lot like quitting smoking.
Think of all the negative thoughts and feeling as cravings. Cravings are a desire for 'a quick fix', just like we all long for 'a quick fix' when processing pain.
The longer you resist the quick fix, the more frequently you engage in a healthy activity during a craving, the stronger you become.
I suggest writing out all of your feelings, frequently. A blog or a diary works well.
End each post with something positive about that day, a small reminder for yourself that its getting better.
Also, take breaks from processing. Go do something silly, fun, playful.
Both of you work on putting the fun back in to your mutual relationship.
But, be honest, when the hurt pops up suddenly, speak it,
'It hurts to be here enjoying this so much knowing you lied to me...and you did it for so long.' then, like a craving you acknowledged, move on after you acknowledged it.
Most important, write to yourself everything about you that is awesome, wonderful, valuable, meaningful. You are those things. Remind yourself.
"Love As Thou Wilt"