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Old 10-11-2012, 08:23 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,244
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"All relationships come with a clock attached." John Cleese.

And it is true. All relationships end. Even "til death do us part" is an ending of a relationship. Or if your prefer -- a change in a relationship structure. You can still have a relationship in your head with loved one that passed away. Once upon a time, I was the MFM hinge. I married BF1.

My BF2 was long distance, monoamorous and struggled a lot initially. In fact, I told him not to sign up here -- I was not exclusive and the limitations of student budget and LDR -- well, it wasn't what he was hoping for. He tried. He kept coming back like moth to flame and he decided to try.

I told him if he signed up he had to own it and not get all stroppy with me because of situation. He signed up willingly. I'd give my best, but I can't help not having technologies to alleviate LDR pressures (so many more technologies today!) or budget to fly around. I would not promise what I could not keep -- this was NOT going to be exclusive. I did have another Honey. He had to realize what he was buying into here and accept the risks of jealousy and whatever. He signed on.

We enjoyed the time we had. The life up and downs. Laughs and tears. Isn't that what Life Shared is about?

Breaking up? Firm, fast, and because I loved him and wanted to set him free to pursue other local loves. I never promised exclusive. He was always a free agent, but he was monoamorously wired and struggled so best I cut it off them to let him be free to pursue. We were still friends, he dated. He did not understand my reasoning, but he dated. Later he called me up to thank me for having been loving and gentle on his heart. Now that HE had to break up with someone and the shoe on the other foot he could appreciate the other side. He could also appreciate the sacrifice. I put his best interest ahead of mine. We laughed, we cried. Best break up I ever had!

He was/is a great ex, I still think of him fondly and while I don't bother him in his universe, I do still ping him on the majors -- my wedding, birth of my kid, my father's illness. Call it once every 5-10 yrs?

DH notes that when I talk about him two decades later the smile STILL goes all the way to my eyes. He says he likes seeing that. So do I. That DH can enjoy that side of me -- compersion.

The BF2 relationship went from intense friends, to boyfriend, to intense friends to casual friends to lower volume "major news" contact. Who knows that the next few years bring -- he knows where I am at. I know where he is at. Life's Journey will be what it is. Maybe the volume will stay the same. Maybe for some reason the volume will go up. *shrug* I'm content to let it be what it will be.

Fearing FUTURE relationship changes is not a good reason to hold back on your love sharing TODAY. Enjoy each other and the time you have it in. Don't miss on the present worrying about the future. You can learn from past, plan for future to a degree -- but life is ever flowing change. We just surf it as it comes. Tell each other your Vulnerable, your worries, your fears. Love each other anyway. Do not promise what you cannot keep. Plan for your relationship ending so it can be a good one. All relationships come with a clock attached -- so accept and CHOOSE the ending you like the best! Then be secure and enjoy the present moment. The unfolding of Life and Love Shared with each other.

""Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." Ferris Beuller.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 10-11-2012 at 08:29 PM.
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