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Old 10-11-2012, 07:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YoungPoly View Post
I suppose one of the things that was getting me so upset (and still is) is the fact that I know there is an ticking clock for me and Sec. Follow up question: how do you guys deal with a relationship that you know is going to end at some point, if you've ever been in that situation?
That is part of being human - EVERY relationship we have will end someday, whether by choice, circumstance, or death. It just takes acceptance that there are no guarantees in life and nothing last forever. A bit of existentialism can be very sobering.

Quote:
Originally Posted by YoungPoly View Post
I should also point out that though I have a Prim and a Sec, I've grown to consider Sec as more of a second primary... Oh, and in case you're wondering why there's a time limit on our relationship, it's because when we (me and Prim) first started talking about the possibility of a polyship, I made a promise that he would always be my primary, and that after a couple of years we'd become a proper monoship.
Polyship, monoship... huh? Nonsensical non-words. What does the phrase "proper monoship" mean to you?

So, you promised your primary that eventually you would agree to a monogamous relationship after a few years of polyamory - but you didn't expect to have such a wonderfully deep and intense relationship with your secondary, whom you now regard as a co-primary. It sounds like renegotiating your agreement with your first primary is the next step.

You know - you don't need to use a hierarchy at all, if it makes things too complex. Life doesn't always fit into neat little compartments like that!
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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