I posted a few months ago about our poly situation that fell apart after my husband confessed he had been cheating with said girl for 8 mos. The long and the short of it is that I tried to keep her involved. My thinking was that somehow since she was part of the problem, she could be part of the healing, and on one hand it did help. We had a tumultuous start, on again talks then off as I would just have horrendous backlash. I finally got to a place where I could go more than a few days without melting down and we negotiated a slow start. I explained that I didn't know how or where this would end up, because honestly it was navigating waters I had never been in. I explained to her that it very well might end in a fiery crash, she said she understood. During that time she and I were able to see each other as human beings, and much healing (at least for myself) happened....Much, not complete. After about 2.5 weeks I finally broke down and couldn't handle it, there was too much betrayal and lies between the two of them for so long, it was a total mindfuck. She was and is very much in love with him, as for my husband he said it was never more than good friends and sex. Honestly I don't know what to believe from either of them.
So here I am today, I am sad. I am really struggling with the thoughts of my husband lying and betraying me for so long over this. He was sharing secrets with her and not me. He was doing bdsm with her and not me. Why? I have asked him and asked him, and he just said it was for the thrill of the forbidden, having sex with a total stranger. Some days I do well, and things seem somewhat normal, other days I fight to hold back tears all day. I worked so hard to get to a place of trust with him, 5 years. And all thrown away for a thrill.
How do I get past the pain? How do I regain the trust, if ever. I love him yet I just don't know. There have been other transgressions in the past, nothing too serious (that I know of). I am obsessed with thinking about it all, it fills my thoughts constantly. He says this has made him a changed man, that he realizes how horribly painful this was for me. Uhhg...I just need some way to work this out. Most of my friends dont understand us anyway, and see this as a "well I told you so because you guys are "poly". I am willing to listen to advice. thanks..m