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Old 10-11-2012, 03:39 PM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 648

Originally Posted by YoungPoly View Post
how do you guys deal with a relationship that you know is going to end at some point, if you've ever been in that situation?

[...] It's hard for me too, because I'd love more than anything to spend the rest of my life with him in a monoship (but at the same time spend the rest of my life with Prim in a monoship - see the problem?)

I should also point out that though I have a Prim and a Sec, I've grown to consider Sec as more of a second primary... Oh, and in case you're wondering why there's a time limit on our relationship, it's because when we (me and Prim) first started talking about the possibility of a polyship, I made a promise that he would always be my primary, and that after a couple of years we'd become a proper monoship.

Ah dear, this could be a problem in the long run. As you already feel that it is upsetting you to eventually end this relationship with your Sec/Co-Prim I guess, if I take my own situation as some kind of basis of comparison, it will cause you even more hurt when you finally have to make that choice because of this agreement. I won't say anything in the direction of whether or not this is what you should do, but maybe you will reach a point where you won't feel able to stick to it and then you may want to reevaluate. I wasn't able to choose and had to talk to my husband to make this clear to him as well. (He and my second partner are mono as well, so it is possible to live like that without saying that this is something everyone can or wants to do. And they are what could be called Co-Primary )

I feared that my husband would try to make me choose one of them (before I talked to him) and I wasn't sure if this would have cause me to develop some resentment against him. If it comes down to this situation in your case in one or two years time (I don't know when you see the end of the current situation approaching ultimately) you may find yourself unable to choose as you promised. Maybe you should talk about that possiblity.

Aside from that, I never was in a relationship I regarded as 'finite' right from the start. Can't imagine to be in one as well, so I can't comment on that ^.^
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

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