Tonight I have a date with Knight. I'm calling him this because not only does his real name sound like the one a medieval knight would have, he also looks like one: tall, slender but muscular, the smoothest olive colored skin, big brown mischievous eyes, soft dark curls. Yes, I was smitten with him from the very start.
I met him over 2 years ago at a party I was attending with my husband - he was the friend of a friend. He sat at a little bench and when he saw me, motioned to the seat beside him and said: "come sit here, this seat is available."
My husband, who was standing next to me, pushed me forward just a little bit and said: "oh, that's very fortunate, so is she!"
Within 30 minutes we were discussing sex and how convenient it was that we lived near each other', his hand was on my leg and I had butterflies in my stomach. He said the fact that I was married intrigued him and suited him well because he was a very independant guy, and mentioned that he was just coming out of a relationship with a woman who was asking too much of him, smothering him, suffocating him. I heard him mention her but was so convinced that he would be the first big poly love of my life, that I kind of blocked her out.
That was a major mistake, because as it turned out, he was not actually breaking up with her (he wanted to, she did not - he's not the most determined guy when it comes to relationships). He told her about me, she was jealous, slept with someone else, they broke up for a while, then got back together. And all this time I had this crush of crushes on him, couldn't think of anything else, and just could not understand why he would not choose to be with me.
We had some sleepovers but never actual sex - which at first frustrated the hell out of me because I was was SO attracted to him. Then our dates switched to monthly bar crawls where we would stare into each others eyes and talk silly and drink too much, and I would need about a week to recover from that and get him out of my system again. (Btw, all this time the girlfriend knew he occasianlly saw me).
Then, the end of last year, I had enough. I had just met MrBrown, whom reminded me of Knight in many ways - but with one big difference: MrB was always honest and upfront about what he could and could not give me, which was exactly the kind of respect I wasn't getting from Knight. So the beginning of this year, I told Knight I could not see him anymore. I felt really strong and good about it.
Fast forward a couple of months and he emails me that he misses me. I think long and hard about it and decide that I am by now detached enough from him to see him again, as a friend. We spend a lovely evening together and I manage to not fall for him... well maybe just a little bit.. but who can blame me, he is so incredibly cute and hot and charming...
So now we see each other again, about once every 6 weeks. I would say we're friends but he's unlike any of my other friends... I think I would like to call him my NSBF (non-sexual boyfriend), a term I think I stole from redpeppers blog and which seems to fit him really well. I cancelled 2 dates with him this summer when things were so hectic and full of drama.. he still has the power to unnerve and unsettle me, and I could not handle it at the time.
But tonight we have a date! Haven't seen him in about 4 months. I'm very excited, but also quite calm, and just hoping for a good talk and maybe a little cuddle.