.... and then there's the elusive MrBrown. My relationship with him (I've known him since december last year) ended up developing differently from what I expected at the start. I think I thought he would have the position Curlz now has... someone to see very often, and to be in touch with, sharing a lot about each others lives, meeting each others friends, etc.
I quickly learned that this was not what he was looking for, and that he wasn't willing to let things grow in that direction. The way it is now, we see each other for an overnight date about once every 4 or 5 weeks, and have very little contact in between. The thing is.... the sex with him is very groundbreaking and boundary pushing for me, and I love that. It took me some time to 'get' that this connection is what it is... he says he loves me, and I believe he does, it's just a relationship that is very much based on his terms and conditions. It's my choice to either accept it or not.
The weekend we spent together earlier this summer was absolutely amazing. The weather was great, we were in a little cottage in the woods, cooked together, spent whole afternoons lying in the grass talking, took a long walk, and had a LOT of sex - most of it pretty kinky (to me at least), my first experiences with bondage, some other stuff I'd never done. I was on a serious high when I got home, but Ren's reactions brought me down pretty quickly. Looking back, I think (like I stated above) that I never got the chance to prcess these new elements of my relationship with MrB because I got so caught up in Ren's reactions to it. This has impacted how I feel about MrB, even though we had some nice dates since, it seems like there is something unresolved there that we need to talk about. Right now, because of my vacation, I haven't seen him for about a month and I'm in no hurry to propose something. I initiated the last 2 dates and I think it's his turn... Also, I feel that I have a too strong tendency to become too dependant on his attention.
I think one problem is that he doesn't see my neediness, he thinks I'm stronger than I actually am, and this creates an issue when I need something from him (like, aftercare after a BDSM experience). He doesn't hink I need it and I need to specifically ask for it, which is sometimes hard for me.
Still learning a lot from our dynamic...
Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 + years
Bo - BF of 2 + years