My relationship with Curlz is developing in a very nice and interesting way ..
Weve been together for 8 months now, and I've gone through some interesting phases of dependancy, attachment and NRE. He became single soon after we met, and this worried me in the beginning, I was fearing that he would start to become too dependant on me. But then NRE kicked in (this only happened a couple of months after we started seeing each other) and I became extremely anxious whenever he went on a date (and he did not go on many) and even worried about women that were not even in the picture yet.
Then Summer happened. The horrible summer of 2012 started with the weekend I spent with MrBrown, where we engaged in some pretty kinky sex for the first time (I don't have much experience with this, and have only started to explore this now with MrB). I came home with bruises, and Ren flipped. This, by the way, was the same week where he found out his GF was cheating on him and he was uncapable of dealing with his emotions and his responses to what I had experienced. He freaked out so much, that I spent all my time and energy reassuring him, and never got around to processing what had actually happened to ME and how I felt about it. All this caused me to emotionally withdraw from Curlz... it was just too much. I did see him, but had a hard time really connecting with him or getting excited about our time together. And then felt guilty about it. Ugh.
Late September Ren and I took a trip together, during which we spent a lot of time talking about his relationship with his GF unfortunately, but also managed to spend some much needed quality time together. After that, I went and spent a couple of days with C...and I don;t know if it was the fact that I had decided to become less focussed on others, and put myself first.. the reading I've been doing, the thinking during the trip.. but it was like something cliked, we had a great time together, I really enjoyed spending time with him, and we had some great and very open and honest talks about us, our relationship, the future.
I am now at the point where I am actually encouraging him to date. I feel that it would bring a certain balance to our relationship, even though I know that there is a good chance that he will find someone who he'll want as a primary relationship.. and of course there's no telling what would happen to me in that case. But I guess I've become so much more secure and confident about myself, and learned so much this summer, that I can see that if this happens, it's what has to happen and I'll find a way to deal with it when the time comes. Meanwhile I am enjoying him, loving him, cherishing the time we spend together.
Last night we had phone sex for the very first time and it was awesome
Sex has never been the easiest part of our relationship, he has trouble performing sometimes (not always, and not often, but it does make the stuff that happens in the bedroom a little strained sometimes). He is still going though a pretty rough divorce, and can be sad and upset about it sometimes, and I definitely feel that this has an impact on his libido and occasional ED. But, he stopped smoking recently, started excercising, got a new job that he loves, and all in all seems mich more comfortable about himself and his life. When we do have sex, it's pretty amazing, very intense and loving ... and I do feel we have so much more to discover and explore there together. I'm going to see him again this weekend, will drive up to his city for a 3-day stay and I'm really looking forward to it.