rory - thanks, it's good to be back! Travels were wonderful, but coming home is even better
Cattiva - Jealousy?!?! :O Heh, jokes. Really hope you and Primal can make it sometime.
Well, here I am. Another airport, another departure lounge coffee. Heading back to our new city. This feels right.
Things with Ella are rather fraught. After being on the road for five weeks and sailing for three, I was in a quite different headspace to her. Basically, I was disinclined to rush into a full-on romance. It seemed like that would be a kind of losing of myself that I wasn't ready for right now. Hard to explain. Also hard to diagnose whether this is my (temporary?) mood in general, towards new relationships, or whether it's Ella-specific.
This attitude really sucked, in terms of timing. I wasn't in town for very long, and I have no specific return date (though she happens to be visiting our new city over Christmas/New Year. Not sure if we'll be there, we haven't discussed holiday plans).
Anyway, stayed over at Ella's place last night. We talked a fair bit, nobbly, stunted, hobbling conversation. Seems we have different expectations about romantic relationships. She didn't get how Sago could be okay with me going away for 2 1/2 months. Didn't get how I was even considering going to dance class this evening (after I get back to our new city) when I haven't seen him for so long. I understood where she was coming from... I suppose it remains to be seen what can be reconciled.
I was awake next to her for hours, gerbilian thoughts running the wheels of my mind.